Weighty Matters

Last year, here on my blog,  I chronicled my journey on my way to losing 60+ pounds. Over a 10 month (+/-) time frame I had many people telling me how good I looked, asking me how I was losing the weight and just over all being a cheerleader for me. I appreciated those comments, but when my new “look” had become old news the support dwindled.

It was October or so of last year, while on a business trip, that I decided that I was going to “splurge” for the trip. That set off a chain reaction that had me gaining back a lot of the weight I lost. How much? I have no idea, because I refuse to weigh myself. I’m disgusted that I allowed the weight to come back and I’m disgusted that I lost the will to jump back on the wagon and keep the weight dropping. I succumbed to food again and had dove full force into the old eating habits that I once had.

What was different during the time that I had begun to gain the weight back was that others never mentioned my weight gain, as they had my weight loss. I’m sure it was because they thought I would be embarrassed by the comments or didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so I don’t fault anyone, but I do wonder why I only had a couple of people ever mention my weight gaining.

I do think that it may have made some difference in my perceptions. If I had known that others were noticing, then I may have stepped back and reevaluated what I was doing. During the time I have gained the weight back I was not being held accountable by anyone. I depended on myself to “saddle up” and muster up the will power to stop eating the food that held me captive, but always put it off. “What’s another Swiss Roll going to do?” or “What is one more trip to the Pizza Inn buffet going to add?” Which I determined wouldn’t be a lot. And that is probably true, a single Swiss Roll or a single dinner at Pizza Inn would not have made much of an impact, but it was deeper than that. It was sin.

Reflecting on the roller coaster of weight loss (this time), I have seen how it does parallel sin. I see that I need support, both while I am doing “good” and winning the battle. But, more importantly I need the support when the battle is beating me. I need to be held accountable for the sins in my life. I need people to point out that I treat my wife lousy some times, that I raise my voice to often at the kids, that lust runs rampant, food becomes an idol and laziness just breeds more laziness and excuses. I believe this is part of bearing our brothers sins/ burdens (Galatians 6:1-2, Romans 15:1, Proverbs 27:17, James 5:13-20, Ephesians 4:25)

We are weak creatures. We often times act from the flesh rather than from the spirit. We forget that these bodies are dying and that we are just passing through this world, en route to our true home. We tend to think “now” is time to feed this flesh of our selfish desires, to sin and sin big. We push God to the side and say, “Let me take it from here, I’ve got it under control now”. This is why we need each other. We need to lovingly come beside our brothers and sisters in Christ, our wives and husbands, or children and parents and help carry them, help them see points of sin that they may not even realize is there or may be saying as I did about eating, “I’ll do better tomorrow”. Sad thing is that tomorrow usually does not come and sin is not dealt with and things get worse. The weight piles on and the sin kills.

I just ask that we each look at our motives. Look inward and ask yourself why we do not lovingly tell someone that you have noticed sin in their life. It is actually one of the most loving things you can do for a Christian. I am not saying to become a fruit checker and try to be someone’s Holy Spirit, but allow God to use you and work through you for the sanctification of others and also for yourself. Confess to one another, become accountable to one another, be open for rebuke and be open to give rebuke. I do not hold anyone other than myself at fault for my sins or my weight gain, but I do know that if someone would have lovingly told me that they noticed the pounds coming back, or the snack cakes in my lunch or the PB&J’s that I ate on a regular basis, I probably would have heeded their words and snapped out of my self deception. The same goes for my sin. If someone confronts me and says, “ I have noticed ……., let’s pray together about this and allow me to help carry this load with you” it would make me step back and actually see things I have allowed to blind me.

Just a little food for thought….. Pun intended.

This Is Driving Me Nuts

Day 329 in my "Year In My Life Through Pictures" blog series

This diet I am on is driving me nuts. Actually it's driving me to eat nuts, especially cashews, almonds and pecans. I would be eating peanuts as well, but they are not desirable for the type of diet I am following. Also, I don't think the amount of nuts that I am eating is desirable either.

I am actually starting to level out on my weight loss, which might call for some drastic measures. Drastic measure #1 might involve trying to shock my body back into fat burning mode. My reasoning is that if I eat some carbs that I have been avoiding for a day or two my body will start burning fat again or more rapidly. This might cycle my metabolism somehow as I have been virtually carb free for a little over 4 months.

Carbs were a staple to my diet before I started losing weight. Pizza, candy bars, Little Debbie snack cakes, bread of all types, cookies, cake and about anything else I ate was laden in carbs. It was very tasty and very satisfying to me. I guess the fact that I liked things with carbs is why I ended up so much overweight, so that is why modifying my intake of carbs has been marginally successful. Low fat diets never really seemed to do anything for me in the past and I did have limited success with the full blown Atkins diet totally eliminating carbs, but the current diet allows for some basic carbs.

I suppose getting more active would also help me to lose weight. I haven't been doing my surge training at all lately, which might be the thing I need to reactivate my fat burning. I just can't motivate myself to actually start doing it again. I know that I am getting somewhat frustrated with not losing any weight lately, so that frustration might lead to increased activity and the reintroduction of a consistent surge training program. I also need to keep reminding myself why I am losing weight and what my "big why" is. That seems to have slipped from my mind and I need to regain that focus.

So, here's to whatever I end up doing and with prayer and God's help and timing I will achieve the weight loss desired.

Reese's Are My Friend

Day 328 in my "Year In My Life Through Pictures" blog series

Ahhhh. Reese's Eggs. These little morsels of goodness have been in my direct line of view since my wife gave them to me for Easter. She knew that I was on a diet, but she also knew these are my favorite. I have been good though. These are still sealed up and I haven't touched them since putting them on the shelf on my desk, right above the TaxCut box.

I have always loved Reese's Cups, but the addition of the Reese's Eggs years ago really hooked me. I have really had to restrain myself from eating these, but keep telling myself one day I will have reached my goal and then I will eat one. This is looking like it might be a while, so I am looking at different options. The main reason is I hate to waste anything and wasting these delicacies would be a travesty. So, #1) I could give them to the boys to devour. #2) I could freeze them for my day that I reach my goal, thereby rendering my weight loss stopped and actually reversing for a while #3) I could eat them in one sitting now, get fed up with my lack of self control and gain a renewed spirit concerning my dieting.

I guess I just like to punish myself in the time being though. Looking at these every day is not easy, but I know that I don't have to. Maybe subconsciously I am testing myself and tenacity to follow my dieting plan. Or maybe I am just a glutton for punishment. All I know is that I have been a little over 4 months without sugar, bread and all other forms of carbs.

This is a trying time, but with God I am achieving the weight loss I started out desiring. I am down quite a bit and get compliments all the time. With those compliments I try to share with everyone that God has been doing this, not me. My willpower pulled an Elvis and left the building a few years ago, so I heavily lean on God for strength through the desires. It may sound trivial to some, but total dependence is what He wants from us. I am not perfect at this by any means, but through His love and grace I am learning more daily on how to. His grace is sufficient. I need to remind myself of that constantly.

Flavor Of The Day Limeaflower

Day 283 in my "Year In My Life Through Pictures" blog sereis

On my diet I do not have very many options when it comes to things to satisfy my sweet tooth. I suppose if I had not fulfilled my sweet tooth cravings so much in my past I would not be in the condition that I am in currently. But, I do still crave sweets and I do need some kind of release from that, so I have recently discovered sugar free pudding and have been partaking of that yummy treat lately.

While looking at the pudding choices I saw the sugar free Jell-O right next to the pudding and decided to get some of that too. It's actually not Jell-O, but the store brand, so I may get in trouble if I keep referring to it as Jell-O, but what else do you call it? Like a Q-Tip, what else do you call the sticks with cotton on the ends of them?

Tonight I decided to make up some lime Jell-O and had to follow the directions because I can't recall ever making Jell-O before. I was moving along fine, boil a cup of water, stir for 3 minutes, add cold water, chill, add fruits or vegetable. Vegetables? In Jell-O? Who would do a thing like that? What kind of vegetable is proper for Jell-O? What vegetable compliments lime Jell-O? Since I'm on a low carb diet can I add green beans to my orange Jell-O without it clashing? How about cauliflower to the lime flavor?

I've really wracked my brain trying to figure this out. Can anyone please fill me in on this conundrum? I know I may not be the best cook in the world, but c'mon. Next thing someone will want to put something like carrots into a cake and pass it off as good.

Tightening The Belt

Day 255 in my "Year In My Life Through Pictures" blog series

My weight loss has been productive so far. Not as much lost as I would like to, but the pounds are still being shed slowly but surely. I am at a point now where it gets frustrating because I am still doing the same things I have been, but not seeing much in the results column. Hopefully it is just a lull and the fat burning will kick back in.

The picture today is of the holes in my belt. If you look close you can see the imprints of where I have been wearing the belt in the past. I actaully wore the belt in the second from the end for a little while.I am down to the first hole now in the belt. I will either need to punch new holes or get a new belt. Knowing me and my "cheapness" it will be punching new holes.

I will say that my focus on weight loss hasn't been there the past couple of weeks. I have remained steadfast in my diet, no cheating at all. My exercise I did not do this morning because I am not feeling very well. Some issue with my throat has me way under the weather. My voice is really messed up right now in that it almost feel like I am gagging when I speak. Not fun and it is affecting my whole head. Headache, neck stiffness, earaches, increased ringing in the ears and a very dry mouth are the norm as of late. So, whenever I feel physically up to resuming my exercise program I will probably kick the weight loss back in.

I do wonder if I would "cheat" on the diet every now and then if it would trick my body into kicking on the calorie burning furnace again. Maybe a one step back, two steps forward mentality. I may try that in a week or two if I do not start seeing better results. I will also intensify my exercising as much as possible and I really need to add resistance training into the fold as well.

My main focus now needs to be on God, as always. If I seek Him as I should and allow Him to work through this process, stay focused on my "big why" things should really turn around. One of my reasons within my "big why" for losing weight is to bring glory to God. Through the whole process of diet modification and exercising I need to think of God and commune with Him and ask Him to work this to my physical well being. I am about 40% in to my 90 day weight loss goal, but I am also over 40% down in my time too. I know it may seem petty to some to seek God through a weight loss program, but I believe He cares and encourages through all issues and trials, no matter how small they may seem to me or anyone else. I will praise Hm through this time, even if my personal weight loss goal is not met, I will still have met with God more because of this. That is worth it all, even if I don't lose another pound.

Alternative Menu

Day 235 in my "Year In My Life Through Pictures" blog series

It can get kind of difficult to mix it up with a low carb diet menu, especially when your favorite foods are pizza, bread and potatoes. Actually I'm not on a full fledged Atkins diet, but it has cut out a lot of what I would normally have to eat. Hence, the overweight frame I now display.

One dish that I concocted a few years ago, when I was on the Atkins diet, is what I call a Pizza Bake or Pizza Casserole. It is pretty much a pizza sans crust, with sausage, pepperoni, sauce and cheese. I bake it in the over for a little bit, add the cheese and let it get a golden brown. It is rather good and it does, somewhat, crave my appetite for real pizza. I suppose it does crave it enough to be a alternate in light of my "big why" in wanting to lose weight.

Some things I have tried in the past just don't seem to cut it though. The biggie that I heard a lot of Atkins enthusiasts tout was "mashed potatoes" made from cauliflower. The raved at how much it tasted like real mashed potatoes and had the same texture. So, even though cauliflower had never made it past my tongue in the past, I decided to try it for myself. I was actually pretty excited to try them and wanted very badly for them to be good. To make a long story short, they were nasty and tasted nothing like potatoes. I haven't tried them since and hopefully never will. But, I will not say never, as I can't stand fish and I am thinking of trying to stomach it for its health benefits. Who knows, God just might change my taste-buds so that I really like cauliflower, cabbage, Brussels sprouts and fish.

God has changed a lot of things in my life and I praise Him for each one. I know that He can change something as trivial as my likes/ dislikes of food choices. After all, I only have to taste it for a few minutes while I eat it anyway. Anything we eat fills our bellies the same. I am giving control of this area to God and praying that I can obey what He wants my menu to be. I still crave a lot of foods from my bad eating habits, but I craved a lot of sinful things too that God gracefully took the urges away from me in. This could also be a thorn in my flesh that is to buffet me and cause me to seek Him further. I need to give all control over to Him, but seem to want to hold on to things here and there. If I was already perfected I wouldn't have a reason to seek Him as much, so these temptations and urges are welcome to draw me closer to the Lord.

Bringing Back Some Classics

Day 234 in my "Year In My Life Through Pictures" blog series

Today's picture is of a stack of jeans in my closet. Not just any stack, but a former stack of work jeans that have been holding a shelf down for a few years now. These jeans I wore about 8 years ago to work in and were put onto the "oneofthesedays" section until I am able to get them back out. See, I've gained a lot of weight since I wore these jeans, but I am heading back down to that size.

In fact, I have several items of clothing that I have kept over the years with the personal understanding that I would lose weight and once again wear them. I hate to get rid of anything, especially something I will be able to use again one day. If I would have gotten rid of them I would then have to buy new jeans and shirts for work and for non-work. Just holding on to the smaller pieces of clothing will be saving me a few bucks, but only if I get back down to that size, which is my ultimate goal.

It's been somewhat of a procrastination mind-frame for me about my weight. I have always believed I could lose the weight, just never put forth the effort to actually do so. Now it's different. I have a goal, I have motivation outside of myself and I have God to strengthen me. One of my "big why" motivations is to glorify God through my weight loss. In a few ways, but mostly in my testimony that He has given me the power to look beyond my personal wants and to Him instead. I focus on Him when I get cravings and have temptations come forth. This I do in eating and all other aspects of my life. See, I am taking 1 Cor. 10:31 to heart and trying to glorify God in all I eat, drink and all that I do. In that I will lose weight and as long as my focus stays on Him I will keep the weight off. Just as in our daily walk, when we are living with God as our focus it is hard to sin. We see everything in relation to God and His love and sacrifice for us. We must look away to fulfill the lusts of the flesh. But we do quite often. But why?

Why do we look away from God? It's because we are fallen (not to excuse sin) and it's our nature to desire things that rule our bodies. Our flesh is strong, but we can overcome sin if we do continually seek God for everything. Not that we just have an add-on prayer in things we do, but that He is the focus of everything and we pray for every situation that we are in - if it's waking up in the morning, driving our car, shopping or working at our jobs - we must begin end and do everything in between with God on our minds and commune with Him throughout everything. It is possible, but it is a discipline that we must work on. I don;t think it's a gift to very many people at conversion and a continual life of seeking God, praising God and acknowledging God in our life is how we get there. I am still trying to figure it out, but it comes more natural each day and it is wonderful. Just makes me wonder how that communion can be broken so easy and I stray so easily, just to placate my flesh, this temporary tent. I am such a sinner and need God more each day. Maybe that is how we attain that constant communion and focus, by always knowing that without Him empowering us we will not be able to do it. Which is great news, because we can't do it and He can.

Caution: This Blog Contains Words

Day 229 in my "Year In My Life Through Pictures" blog series

On my new diet program I am supposed to eat "good fats". This actually sounds kind of crazy to do on a diet, but apparently these "good fats" help your body to burn the "bad fats". One source for these "good fats" are nuts with almonds being one of the best to snack on.

Today's picture is the ingredients and nutrition panel of the package of my first bag of almonds that I have ever purchased. I have eaten almonds before, but never had the desire to snack on them. They are actually pretty good and do fill you up, so I may have already found a snack source through my weight loss process. But, back to the bag. I understand that there are a lot of government regulations for food, but is it really necessary to label a bag of almonds with a allergy "advice" that a bag of almonds actually contains almonds. Are people really that inept to buy a bag of almonds and expect something else to be inside? Even when there is a clear portion of the packaging so you can verify the contents are what the package says they are.

What's next in this line of thinking? Labels on text books that says "This book contains letters that form words". You could carry it one step further, considering all of the government oversight in our country for the book notice to say, "If you are not able to read please ask your teacher for assistance". Yeah, that does sound crazy, but labeling a bag of almonds with a notice that it contains almonds is just as ridiculous. Some things are just so in your face that it doesn't need to be spelled out.

Throughout the world there are many other things like this. When you see a house you automatically know that there was a builder, the house did not just form on its own from a blob of goo. Someone had to actually plan the building of the house, get the materials needed and then assemble the items in the proper place, in the proper sequence to make a house. The same is true of a painting, you know there was a painter and the droplets of paint did not just land on a canvas after a huge explosion, someone put the paint on the canvas to make a painting. Nature is the same way.

The structure and complexity of any life form is evidenced of a maker. Take us humans as an example, a single life form among millions on this planet. How intricate is the human body? Do you think it was formed from blob of goo? Maybe the blob of goo was struck by lightening that sparked a non life form to actually come alive and split and form some kind of amphibious creature. This slug over millions of years, without reproductive organs somehow made more of itself and over millions and millions of generations became a fish. Forget the leap between the food source needed for the slug, the organs needed to process the food and waste and just take a leap of faith and believe what science tells us, it happened. Period. Just think that the slug eventually turned into a fish, the fish turned into a fish that somehow wanted to leave its natural water habitat and instead of dying because it had gills instead of lungs, it lived and spontaneously grew lungs. Then it changed what kind of species it is, grew legs, sprouted arms, became a mammal and the rest is "history", at least in the school text books.

But you must put faith in those leaps between classifications. Also, what came first, the stomach or the mouth to chew food? What about the after effects of eating? When was the intestinal portion of the body formed? In conjunction with the stomach and mouth or over another million years as the body decided it must expel the wast it was creating somehow? Then there is the blood issue. Was the heart formed first? The veins? The arteries? How could any of those survive without the other? Why would a slug have the need to evolve anyway? Why would a blob of goo need to turn into a slug? How could these life forms make others like them if they weren't capable? So, you see the dilemma and how far fetched the theory of evolution is. Not to mention the "big bang" in which everything was formed out of a single ball of mass during an explosion. When is the last time you saw structure like the human body or a tree created from something blowing up? All I have ever seen is destruction and chaos.

So, that is my case for the Creator. Romans 1:18-23 says His creation is proof to us of Him and we are without blame if we deny that. Genesis tells us the story of God creating the universe. I take it as it's written, I am a creationist and for someone to believe in the goo story takes more faith than mine. I see God's handiwork and I am awed. I do not step back and say that it all "just happened" by random chance. My faith lies in God and in His Word. I do not put stock in the theory of evolution. My faith comes from the Lord and my faith is in the Lord.

Day 195: No Pickles, Please. Okay, Here's Your Pickles.

On the fringe of starting a new way of eating I decided to have McDonald's this evening. It might possibly be one of the last times I ever eat from McDonald's too. McDonald's has been a favorite of mine for years, but recently I have not really felt the call to partake of their offerings. Tonight I gave in for nostalgic reasons. I even got a Big Mac, which I rarely do, but just had the taste for some special sauce. I did order the Mac with no pickle, as seen on the grill ticket stuck to the box. That grill ticket means that whoever prepared the sandwich knew that it was a special order. You can also see by the inset picture that they put pickles on it anyway.

No big deal. I just picked them off like I normally do, but it does make you wonder how much people pay attention. Maybe they were busy, looking forward to a break, thinking about issues at home..... Who knows? Maybe they just made it as always and totally overlooked the special order. For whatever reason the Big Mac was made differently than ordered. No hard feelings. Just an observation.

So many times we just do things that we have always done. I've done it several times over the past few days on a particular piece of equipment at my job. They changed a timing issue on an activation button that I have pressed a certain way for 15 years and no matter how many times I remind myself I still find that I revert back to muscle memory that I think is guided by my subconscious.

I think we do that in our spiritual walk as well. We allow our flesh to creep back in and all of a sudden we are hitting the button at the wrong time again. Thing is that we do recognize our error and correct it. But it does seem like those same old habits are hard to put to death for good. For that we need a new set of habits and the only way to train ourselves those habits is to continually do them. Do not over correct though, which is another problem in itself. That will put you in the other ditch opposite the one you just crawled out of.

We must always keep focus on Christ. When we waver is when we lose sight. I do it too often and end up beating myself up over falling back into the same routines and sins. "If I could only get rid of this sin I would be okay" is what I think each time I regress. I often forget that it is a grace of God that He shows me when I do sin. I also forget that it might be my thorn in the flesh, something to remind me of my need for God and to keep me humble.

As I will embark on a new lifestyle of eating I am sure that I will have times when I feel bad for eating what I shouldn't. I know that it will be a struggle in some areas. I know that I have failed before and that is why I am in need of correction yet again. But I know, most of all, that I have God on my side this time whereas I never did in past "diets". I totally relied on my willpower and self discipline to lose pounds. I had a very narrow and selfish reasoning to lose weight. This time is different in many ways. I have a true relationship with God now, He has given me a determination like never before, I am motivated by higher means than myself, the program I will be involved in will have kingdom focused results.

1 Corinthians 10:31 Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.